The Words I Would Say
by narniagirl11
Summary: "Susan, you can't do this!" Peter implored. "You can't abandon Narnia!" "I'm not abandoning anyone!" Susan snapped back. "There isn't anyone to abandon. It doesn't even exist! When are you going to grow up, Peter Pevensie?" Peter's face went white.
1. Three in the Morning

The Words I Would Say

Letters from Peter at college and from Susan in America

Prequel to Just Believe

**Author's note: **I posted this story a week or so ago to see if there was any interest in it. There was so I am continuing the story. I started over using what I had already written. I'm trying to make the chapters a bit longer and Edmund, Lucy and Eustace will be included as well. Story is based on the song The Words I Would Say by Sidewalk Prophets. Characters/Events are based on the books by C.S. Lewis. Not specifically from the movie and not solely from the books. Kind of a mix. Also when any of the Pevensies signed their names with a K. or Q. it stands for King or Queen. Hope you enjoy!  
><strong><em>Bold and italicized: Words to the song The Words I Would Say by Sidewalk Prophets<br>_**_Italicized: Letters or character thoughts  
><em>Normal: Events that are taking place at the moment

_**Three in the morning,**_

_**And I'm still awake,**_

_**So I picked up the pen and the page,**_

_**I started writing just what I'd say,**_

_**If we were face to face,**_

**Three in the Morning**

_Dearest Su,_

_How I miss you and Lucy and Edmund! College is going well. I hardly have time to write with all my studying, but enough about that. It's about two-thirty in the morning here. I wish I could talk to you all face to face right now but it will have to wait until the Holidays. How is America? Are Mum and Dad doing well? Lucy and Edmund have written to me quite often. They have their hands full staying with cousin Eustace. Did they write and tell you about their trip back to Narnia?_

Susan dropped the letter like it was a poisonous snake. _Narnia. Why did he have to mention Narnia? _As much as she tried to control them, her hands couldn't stop shaking.

"Are you ready, Susie?" her friend Hadley called up the stairs of the apartment.

"Um, hold on!" Susan answered. She stuffed the letter under her pillow, took one last look in the mirror and glided down the stairs in her new high heels.

* * *

><p><em>She watched with worry as her siblings marched off to war. Peter, Edmund even little Lucy. Susan turned away from the window. She was stuck at home as usual. Sometimes she wondered why she had to be the Gentle Queen and take care of everything. But someone had to do it and the others certainly wouldn't. Susan ran out into the garden, her bow and arrows on her back.<em>

"_Queen Susan?" someone whispered. Susan spun around with her bow ready. She pointed the arrow at the stranger._

"_Yes," she answered fiercely._

"_I-I'm sorry to disturb you," he apologized. "I'm Prince Leofwin, and I need your help." Susan stared at him curiously. _

Susan woke up trembling. Not Leofwin. Her dear, precious Leofwin. She remembered his sparkling blue eyes, his ragged blond hair. Suddenly Susan wanted to see him again. She needed just one glimpse. Susan jumped out of bed and hurried to the window.

"Aslan," she whispered quietly. Susan unclasped the heart-shaped gemstone from around her neck. The crystal ornament was a gift from Leofwin. She held the gem up to the light of the moon. A breeze swept through the room, Susan felt goose bumps rising on her arms, the crystal began to glow green and then blue. At last the color faded and a message appeared on the wall.

My dearest Susan,

I love you now and always. Nothing can keep us apart. I will always be with you. Never forget our love.

Forever yours, Leofwin

Susan wiped the tears away from her eyes. She took the gem out of the light and climbed back into bed, clutching the necklace.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Susan,<em>

_Edmund and I are doing fine. Aunt Alberta had promised to take me shopping this week. I can't wait until you are home. Eustace is behaving himself now. Edmund licked all of Eustace's candy that was hidden under the bed. It was funny when Edmund told Eustace! I miss you Susan. Tell Mum and Dad we love them!_

_Love your sister,_

_Q. Lucy_

_Good little Lucy_. Susan smiled and began writing her reply.

_Dear Lucy,_

_We are coming home in two weeks. Do you think you can manage? Peter promised to have you home in time to see us as soon as possible. Mum and Dad send their love. Tonight Corporal John McCartney has asked me out to a dance. I think he fancies me._

Lucy rolled her eyes.

"Who is it this time?" Edmund muttered.

"A Mr. Corporal John McCartney," Lucy answered. "I don't think I like him." Edmund chuckled.

"Come Lu, you haven't even met him."

"Nobody will ever be as nice as Leofwin," she reminded.

"I know," Edmund sighed. He wasn't exactly happy that his older sister was going out with strangers across the ocean. He wished he or Peter could be there to look out for her. But Peter was studying for college and he and Lucy were stuck at Aunt Alberta and Uncle Harold's house. There was a knock on the door. Edmund already knew who it was.

"Come in, Eustace," he answered. Eustace entered the room and came to stand next to Edmund. His eyes were fixed on the painting handing over the fireplace. The dragon-headed ship seemed so real.

"I wish I could get back," Eustace said at last.

"I know," Lucy replied wistfully. "Narnia is a wonderful place."

"Anything can happen," Edmund added.

"No fear, no retreat," Eustace answered.


	2. Desperate Pleas

_**I'd tell you just what you mean to me,**_

_**Tell you these simple truths,**_

**Desperate Pleas**

"Susan, dear, you have a letter." Her father handed her the cream colored envelope.

"Thank you, Dad!" Susan eagerly ripped open the letter from her brother, Peter. She ran up the stairs and flopped down on her bed to read it.

_Susan,_

_Did you get my previous letter? I haven't heard from you in quite a while. Is everything alright? You've always been here for me and sometimes I forget to tell you how much you mean to me. You're very special. Aslan was right when he called you the Gentle Queen. _

Susan kept reading. She was battling the urge to tear up the letter even though it was from Peter. Narnia was a hole in her heart. She just wanted to bury her memories of it and pretend it didn't exist so she wouldn't have to fight the fact that she could never go back. It was too painful. Susan turned back to the letter.

_Have Lucy and Edmund written much to you? They say they are getting along fine with Eustace. He must have changed. He was such a little beast when we met him._

Susan smiled. Peter was right. Eustace always was a nasty little boy. Somewhat like Edmund…except Edmund had changed. Aslan and Narnia had done wonderful things for him. Susan silently chided herself. _There I go about Narnia again. I must be careful what I am thinking. _She rose to her feet and moved over to the table, carrying the letter with her. She picked up her pen and began to write back.

_Dear Peter,_

_Sorry I have not written. Mum and Dad are fine. I'm doing pretty well. Peter, I have to tell you something important. It's about Narnia. I try but it's so hard to believe that Aslan and Narnia exist. Sometimes I just can't see what you and Lucy and Edmund see. I'm not a little girl anymore. I'm too old to just believe every childish story I'm told. I'm not even sure if faith and trust exist in this world. Help, Peter! I'm lost! I don't know where to turn, what to believe. Every way I turn someone tries to tell me something different. I don't want to let you down but it seems the more I try the harder it gets. Everything around me is changing; the world, my friends, even my family. It makes it harder to believe, harder to know that Narnia is real, harder to understand why I believe in an unheard of world full of talking animals, ruled by a talking Lion. I know Aslan is good and only wants the best for us but I can't help but wonder if I should have stayed behind. I can't forget about our time there but sometimes I think it would be easier. Every time you write, every time I talk to you, every time I dream, Narnia is always there no matter how hard I try not to think about it. _

"Oh, Susan," Peter whispered to himself. "You have to keep believing." Peter rummaged through his drawer trying to find an unused sheet of paper. He picked up his pen and began writing a response.

_Dear Susan,_

_I_

The bell rang. Peter scrambled to his feet, sighed and hurried off to another class. As he rushed down the hall, Susan's desperate plea echoed in his head.

"_Help, Peter! I'm lost!"_

* * *

><p>"Edmund," Lucy scolded. "You're supposed to be helping me with dinner."<p>

"What?" Edmund looked up from the blank sheet of paper in front of him. "Sorry, Lu," he apologized. "I-I just don't know what to say to Susan."

"Tell her how much we miss her," Lucy suggested.

"Or," Eustace grinned cheekily. "Tell her to quit going out with strangers." Edmund glared at his cousin.

"Like I haven't already thought of that," he mumbled. He hated knowing that his sister, HIS SISTER, was being escorted all over the place by other boys other than himself or Peter.

"Seriously though, it's not funny," Lucy turned back to the stove. "Oh I wish she'd just hurry up and come home!" The young girl stomped her foot impatiently. Edmund looked down at the piece of paper again.

_Dear Su,_

He began writing.

_We miss you a lot. Can't you come home any sooner? Lucy and Eustace say hello._

_Impatiently waiting,_

_K. Ed_

Susan laughed at the closing to her brother's letter. Edmund had a good but quiet sense of humor. She folded the letter and lay down on her bed. Within moments she was asleep.

"_Aslan?" Lucy whispered. "It's Aslan! It's Aslan, over there!" she exclaimed, turning towards us. They looked towards where she was pointing but there was nothing. _

"_Don't you see?" she turned back around. "He's right-" Her face fell. "-there."_

"_Do you see him now?" asked Trumpkin. _

"_I'm not crazy," Lucy said seriously. "He was there. He wanted us to follow him."_

"_Look," Trumpkin interjected. "I'm not about to jump off a cliff after someone who doesn't exist." _

_Edmund finally spoke his thoughts. "The last time I didn't believe Lucy, I ended up looking pretty stupid," he admitted. _The dream faded and new one took its place.

"_Lucy? Are you awake?" whispered Susan._

"_Hmm?" Lucy answered sleepily. Susan rolled over towards her._

"_Why do you think I didn't see Aslan?" she asked._

"_You believe me?" Lucy asked astonished. _

"_Well, we got across the gorge," Susan admitted. _

"_I don't know," Lucy sat up. "Maybe you…didn't really want to?" _

"_You always knew we would be coming back didn't you?" Susan asked._

"_I hoped so," Lucy nodded. Susan sighed and lay back down. She stared up at the stars. _

"_I finally just got used to the idea of being in England."_

"_But you have to be here…aren't you?" Lucy questioned. Susan didn't say anything for a moment._

"_While it last," she finally whispered._

Susan stared up at the ceiling. "While it last," she whispered to herself. It hadn't lasted long. A week or so and then they were back. Back to the dreary world of school and ordinary children who have never fought battles or dreamed of seeing Aslan. They had never gazed on his face. Or known his boundless love. Susan sighed. Tomorrow she would write to Peter again.


	3. A Dream of a Dream

_**Be strong in the Lord,**_

_**And never give up hope,**_

_**You've come to do great things.**_

_**I already know,**_

**Dream of a Dream**

Peter's letter lay open on her desk. Susan had read it a million times. It gave her hope and strength.

_Dear Su,_

_I never knew! I'm so sorry! You just have to stay strong and believe. Keep holding on. Aslan knows what he's doing. Lucy used to say that so often. Don't give up hope! Think about our adventures in Narnia. When you let yourself remember, it helps. What would have happened if we had never gone to Narnia? Susan, because of us, the White Witch was defeated. If we had never gone, Narnia would still be perishing in centuries of winter. You're going to do great things here too, I know. You have an extraordinary destiny. Now is the time to be strong. Never give in. Everything is going to be alright. I love you, Susan. Edmund and Lucy send their love as well. Be strong, believe! _

_Forever your brother, _

_K. Peter_

* * *

><p><em>Dear Peter,<em>

_I never had the chance to say thank you for giving up so much for me. You're always there to protect me, always there to laugh with, always there to let me cry on your shoulder. No matter how many times I've strayed away from Aslan, you still come back for me. You are strong and you believe. I'm going to keep trying. I want to make Aslan's sacrifice worthwhile. Peter, I need you! I'm a little nervous about the journey back. Pray that all will go smoothly. And will you please write to Ed and Lu for me? I want them to know how much I love to see them smile! Mum and Dad send their love. _

_Forever yours, Q. Su_

* * *

><p>Peter smiled. He was proud of his sister. He knew she wouldn't give up that easily. He lay the letter down and picked up the one that had just arrived. It was from Lucy.<p>

_Dear Peter,_

_Edmund says you will meet us at the train station. Oh, I can't wait! Only two more days until we come home! We've been away so long. Eustace asked me to tell you that he is sorry for being nasty to you all these years. (He's serious, don't laugh!)_

Peter laughed out loud. Not because of Eustace but because of his sister's side note. She knew him too well.

_Eustace is a bit sad to see us go. And really, I'm a bit sad too. But I can't wait to see you and Susan and Mum and Dad again! _

_Love,_

_Q. Lucy_

* * *

><p>Peter began packing his bags. Tonight he would be leaving for the Pevensies' home in Finchly. Edmund and Lucy would be coming the next day and soon after that Susan, Mum and Dad would arrive from America. Peter stuffed his school books and clothes into a bag and laid it at the foot of his bed. He lay down on the bed and closed his eyes.<p>

"_Fair friends, here is a great marvel for I seem to see a tree of iron," Queen Susan announced._

"_Madam," said King Edmund. "If you look well upon it you shall see it is a pillar of iron with a lantern set on the top thereof."_

"_By the Lion's mane, a strange device," replied High King Peter. "To set a lantern here where the trees cluster so thick about it and so high above it that if it were lit it should give light to no man."_

"_Sir," Queen Lucy answered. "By likelihood when this post and this lamp were set here there were smaller trees in the place, or fewer, or none. For this is a young wood and the iron post is old." The four Kings and Queens stood staring at it. Then King Edmund broke the silence._

"_I know not how it is, but this lamp on the post worketh upon me strangely. It runs in my mind that I have seen the like of it before; as if it were in a dream, or in the dream of a dream."_

"_Sir," they all answered. "It is even so with us also."_

"_And more," added Queen Lucy. "For it will not go out of my mind that if we pass this post and lantern either we shall find strange adventures or else some great change of our fortunes."_

"_Madam," interjected King Edmund. "The like foreboding stirreth in my heart also."_

"_And in mine, fair brother," High King Peter nodded._

"_And in mine too," agreed Queen Susan. "Wherefore by my counsel we shall lightly return to our horses and follow this White Stag no further." For that was what the siblings were hunting._

"_Madam," begged High King Peter. "Therein I pray thee to have me excused. For never since we four were Kings and Queens in Narnia have we set our hands to any high matter, as battles, quests, feats of arms, acts of justice, and the like and then given over; but always what we have taken in hand, the same we have achieved."_

"_Sister," Queen Lucy said gently to Queen Susan. "My royal brother speaks rightly. And it seems to me we should be shamed if for any fearing or foreboding we turned back from following so noble a beast as now we have in chase."_

"_And so say I," Kind Edmund declared. "And I have such desire to find the signification of this thing that I would not by my good will turn back for the richest jewel in all Narnia and all the islands."_

"_Then in the name of Aslan," Queen Susan confirmed. "If ye will all have it so, let us go on and take the adventure that shall fall to us."_

Peter sat up and rubbed his eyes. He had fallen asleep and dreamed of their last moments in Narnia. He glanced at the clock. 5:32 p.m. it read. He better hurry if he was to catch the 5:45 train.

* * *

><p>Peter carefully unlocked the front door. He stepped inside and took a deep breath. He was home. He closed the door behind him and climbed the stairs to the room where he normally shared with Edmund. Peter hung his shirts in the closet again and went to sit in the kitchen. He prepared himself a warm cup of tea, which he drank before retiring to bed. But before he fell asleep he started another letter to his dear Susan.<p> 


	4. Traitor

_**God's got his hand on you so,**_

_**Don't live life in fear,**_

_**Forgive and forget,**_

_**But don't forget why you're here,**_

**Traitor**

_Dear Susan,_

_I can't wait till you come back! I keep counting down the days. Remember, you're not alone. Aslan has his hand on you. When it feels like the end, and there's no place to go, He will protect you, so you needn't fear. Edmund and I do the best we can to keep you and Lucy safe but Aslan is there through everything. You'll make it through, I promise. I'm sure the voyage will go smoothly. Like I said before, try to stay strong, we're here for you. You're so far away and I wish you were here. How many more days left? Remember, Narnia's not going to just disappear. Don't forget why we're here. Aslan said we can find him here in our own world. I haven't found him yet but I'm going to keep trying. Don't give up yet! We love you!_

_Your brother,_

_K. Peter_

Susan smiled and flopped on to the bunk in her cabin. _Only four days left! _She thought excitedly. She couldn't wait to see her siblings again. Lucy would be so thrilled when she saw Susan's new hat. Susan opened her diary and began writing in her fancy penmanship.

_I feel like I'm learning to breathe, I'm learning to crawl. I'm finding that Aslan is the only one who can break my fall. I'm learning to speak, I'm learning to sing. I'm learning to shout His praise. I'm living again, awake and alive! I'm dying to breathe in the air of the abundant Narnian skies. I never thought that I would fall like that. I never knew I was hurt this bad. _

Susan dropped her pencil. _What am I saying? _She questioned. Her own words she had spoken years ago filled her head.

"_You're not saying you believe her?" Susan gasped. Who had ever heard of a world in a wardrobe full of talking beasts that invite you over for tea? What made it more childish was the fact that Lucy claimed the land was ruled by an evil witch who made it always winter and never Christmas._

"_You don't?" The Professor answered shocked that she would think such a thing. _

"_Well, logically it's impossible!" Susan replied._

"Yes," Susan whispered to herself now. "Logically, it's impossible. Narnia never existed. Narnia was just a game that Peter, Edmund, Lucy and I made up to keep our minds off the war. There was no Lion, no Aslan." She smiled at her reflection in the mirror, happy with her enlightened conclusion.

* * *

><p>Peter stood watching as the train slowly pulled into the station. He caught sight of Edmund and Lucy as they disembarked from the train.<p>

"Ed!" Peter's voice rang out over the crowd. "Edmund, Lucy, over here!" He waved excitedly and jumped up and down even though he was eighteen.

"Peter!" Lucy exclaimed trying to run towards him in the crowd. Edmund came hustling along behind her, carrying their luggage. Peter scooped them both up in a warm embrace. _If only Susan could be with us. _He thought remorsefully. But Susan was still on her way with Mum and Dad. Only two more days, he remembered.

"Come on," Peter said at last picking up Lucy's valise. "You can tell me about your trip to Narnia when we get home."

* * *

><p>"Peter, it was wonderful!" Lucy exclaimed. Edmund sighed wearily and laid his head down on the couch.<p>

"Eustace changed."

"Really?" asked Peter astonished.

"Yep," Edmund laughed. "Narnia can have that effect on nasty boys." He remembered being a nasty boy himself before Aslan set him straight.

"How long has Caspian been running the kingdom since we left?" Peter questioned.

"It's only been about three years there, this time," Edmund replied after a moment. "Caspian's grown a beard!"

"A handsome beard," Lucy added.

"Hmm," Peter replied thoughtfully. "Do you think Susan would approve if I grew a beard right before she came home?" Edmund chuckled.

"Peter!" Lucy playfully slapped his arm.

"When is Susan coming home?" she asked for the twentieth time that day.

"Soon!" laughed Peter. "Only a day and a half away."

"Not soon enough," mumbled Edmund. He was still a little sore about the subject of Susan and America.

* * *

><p>"Peter," Lucy asked. "Will you tell me a story about the trees?"<p>

"Oh I don't know," he sighed.

"Come on Peter, please?" she begged. "Please?" Edmund smiled to himself.

"Once in the lovely kingdom of Narnia there lived a special little girl. This special little girl loved to talk and sing with the trees-"

"She danced with them too," Lucy interrupted.

"Yes, she danced with them." Peter agreed. Edmund began to tune out. He knew the story. The little girl would turn out to be Lucy.

"And she saved the trees." Peter concluded.

"Goodnight, Peter." Lucy reached up to gently kiss his cheek.

"Goodnight, Lucy." Peter stood up.

"What about me?" Edmund protested.

"Goodnight, Ed," Lucy giggled.

"Goodnight, Lu." Edmund waved and then left the room. Peter followed and closed the door behind them.

* * *

><p>Peter turned to face his brother. The younger boy looked exhausted.<p>

"Are you alright, Ed?" Peter asked at last. Edmund nodded but didn't speak. "Ed, look. I know you're upset about not returning to Narnia, aren't you?"

"How'd you know?" Edmund asked. Peter shrugged.

"I could guess by the way you were acting."

"Is it that obvious?"

"No," Peter answered. "But I know you well enough to know that's what you were thinking." Edmund nodded. "You've been strong for Lucy all day. Now let me be strong for you. It's okay to cry." Peter reminded. "I'll admit that Susan and I cried, too." Edmund sat down on the bed.

"Actually, Peter, I'm more upset about Susan than Narnia," Edmund admitted. Peter's smiled faded.

"I am too. She wrote me in a letter asking for help. She's finding it harder to believe."

"That's what I'm worried about," Edmund answered. "What if she forgets? Or what if she-"

"She won't." Peter replied confidently. "I know she won't."

"She won't while I'm around," decided Edmund.

* * *

><p>Lightning flashed and the ship swayed. Susan tried to sleep but she just tossed and turned.<p>

"_There's a traitor in your midst, Aslan." The Witch reminded coolly. Susan felt a tremor go down her spine. Aslan looked at her with sad eyes._

"_I didn't do it!" Susan pleaded._

"_Susan, you denied me," the great Lion said. "You refuse to acknowledge that I even exist."_

"_I'm sorry!" cried Susan. "I didn't mean it. I won't do it again!" _

"_Susan, I'm asking you to believe in the impossible."_

"_I-I can't do that," Susan trembled. _

"_Susan, you have to trust me." Aslan answered as if he hadn't heard her. Susan found herself in the middle of a raging sea. Aslan appeared to be standing on the water._

"_Susan, come out to me," he commanded._

"_I can't!" she cried realizing she was quickly sinking. "Aslan, help!"_

"_Believe, Susan. You must believe. Is your faith that small?"_

Susan jumped as someone shook her.

"Susan, wake up." It was her father. "We've hit an iceberg. Put on your life vest and follow me."


	5. Pancakes

**Author's note: **Sorry, I haven't updated in a while. I was working on another story and school is keeping me very busy this year. I will try to keep writing this and updating as fast as possible. The next part should be ready soon as it is already partially written. Thanks for reading. I appreciate it when you take the time to review!

* * *

><p><em><strong>Take your time and pray,<strong>_

_**These are the words I would say,**_

**Pancakes**

Susan threw off her covers and quickly donned her robe and life vest. She followed her mother and father into the hall. The hall was crowded with panicking passengers. Water was beginning to seep into the halls. Susan shivered as she stepped in a puddle. Her parents pulled her up the stairs towards the main deck. They were guided towards a life boat.

"Aslan, help us!"whispered Susan.

"Susan, get in," her father instructed breaking into her fearful thoughts. Susan unwillingly climbed into the little dinghy. Her mother followed. Susan tried to pray but fear gripped her heart and her mind making it impossible. She wished she could just take a moment and clear her mind. Alas there was no time as the boat rowed away from the sinking ship.

* * *

><p>Edmund yawned and climbed out of bed. He stumbled down the stairs to the kitchen where a delicious smell was coming from.<p>

"Hey, sleepyhead!" Peter playfully tousled Edmund's already messy hair.

"What's for breakfast?" Edmund asked, sitting down at the table.

"Lucy's favorite! Pancakes," Peter replied cheerfully. "Say, where is Lucy?" Edmund shrugged his shoulders.

"I suppose she'll be down soon." Peter placed a couple of steaming pancakes on Edmund's plate. "Look's good," he commented.

"Well, they're never as good as Susan's," Peter answered modestly.

"Do I smell pancakes?" asked Lucy coming into the kitchen.

"Help yourself," Edmund answered with his mouth full of pancake. Lucy gave him a disapproving stare.

"Just because Susan isn't here, doesn't mean you can forget your manners," she scolded her brother. Edmund gulped the rest down and sheepishly grinned. Peter pulled out a chair for Lucy and she sat down. Edmund poured himself more orange juice. As Peter finished cooking the remaining pancakes he grinned to himself. Susan would be home by the late afternoon and he could hardly wait. He hadn't seen his sister in months.

* * *

><p>"Peter, what does gastrobascular mean?" Lucy asked.<p>

"Edmund already told you!" Peter teased. "It's Latin for-"

"Worst game ever invented," the boys answered in unison.

"No," Lucy groaned. "I mean really."

"I don't know," Peter admitted. "We started playing hide-and-go-seek before Susan told us the real definition." There was a knock on the door. Peter jumped up from the chair and flung open the door. A very surprised mailman stood on the step.

"Pevensie residence?" the man asked. Peter tried to hide his disappointment.

"Um, yes, thank you." He took the mail and closed the door again. He slumped into his chair again. With a discontent sigh, Peter flopped the mail onto the coffee table. Lucy rose to her feet.

"Would anyone care for tea?" she asked, hesitating at the kitchen door. Peter ran his fingers through his unruly hair. His mind was not on tea. His mind was thousands of miles away…

"Yes, for both of us," Edmund answered for his distracted brother.

_Peter could almost feel the cool ocean breeze lift his hair from its arranged place. The water appeared to be made of glitter and sparkling gem stones. On top of a crest overlooking the ocean stood a marvelous castle._

"_That is Cair Paravel, the castle of the four thrones," said a voice coming up behind him. "In one of which you will sit, Peter, as High King." Peter turned to face Aslan, the mighty Lion. "You doubt the prophecy?" Aslan asked, knowing Peter's unsure thoughts._

"_No," Peter answered. "It just is-" he hesitated. "Aslan, I'm not who you think I am!"_

"_Peter Pevensie, formerly of Finchly," Aslan replied. Peter stared at him. "Beaver also mentioned that you planned on turning him into a hat." Aslan chuckled and a sheepish smile played around on Peter's face. "Peter," Aslan's tone was more serious now. "There is a deep magic more powerful than any of us, that rules over Narnia. It defines right from wrong and governs all our destinies. Yours," he paused. "And mine."_

"_But I couldn't even protect my own family," Peter protested._

"_You've brought them safely this far," reminded Aslan._

"_Not all of them," Peter answered, thinking of Edmund._

"_Peter, I will do what I can to help your brother," Aslan promised. "But I need you to consider what I ask of you. I too, want my family safe." _Peter woke with a start. He hadn't meant to fall asleep. He slowly sat up. Edmund looked up from the puzzle he had been working on. Lucy had her sketch book and paints out. Peter had only a minute to ponder his dream before they heard an engine stop outside.

"Do you think?" Edmund asked. Peter sprang up from the chair, letting out a loud whoop. Edmund and Lucy jumped up after him and together they raced to the door. Peter flew out the door and grabbed an astonished Susan. He spun her around in a circle and then stepped back. Susan wasn't laughing or even smiling. She was…crying? Susan fell into his arms, sobbing. Peter wrapped his arms tightly around his sister. She had been through something awful, he could tell. Her whole body shook as she cried.

"I-I can't do it," she sobbed. Peter felt tears coming to his own eyes and he buried his face in her hair.

"My poor Susan," he whispered.

"What happened?" Edmund asked his parents. They too seemed a bit shaken though not nearly as much as Susan.

"Son," Mr. Pevensie addressed Edmund. "The ship we were traveling on sank around 3:30 this morning." Lucy hugged her mother tighter. Peter was still trying to calm Susan.

"A-Are you alright?" asked Edmund realizing the gravity of the situation.

"Yes, thank you, dear," answered Mrs. Pevensie. "I think a warm cup of tea would do us all good." Lucy's face brightened.

"I'll get it Mum," she offered. Edmund helped his father with the luggage and Lucy headed to the kitchen for the tea. When Lucy reappeared she found her mother and father seated on the couch whispering to Edmund and Peter. It appeared that Susan, strained from their ordeal, had fallen asleep on Peter's shoulder. Lucy quickly and quietly poured the tea before settling on the sofa next to Edmund. They sipped their tea in silence, not daring to speak for fear of waking Susan. At last with a nod from their mother, Peter carefully rose and carried Susan upstairs where she was laid on her bed to rest. He stared down at his younger sister's face. Her tears had smeared her gaudy makeup. The lipstick was plastered to her chin and the mascara ran down her cheeks. Peter frowned, hurried to the bathroom sink, and wet a towel. He came back and perched on the edge of the bed. Trying not to wake her, he wiped the smears from Susan's face. Soon she looked like her normal self. Every day she was looking more and more like the Gentle Queen she once was. Peter couldn't deny it. Unlike the others however, Susan tried to forget it. She just wanted to be ordinary. Peter sighed and stood up.

"Sleep well, Susan," he whispered and gently kissed her forehead before closing the door softly.


	6. Not Just A Game

_**Last time we spoke,**_

_**You said you were hurting,**_

_**And I felt your pain in my heart,**_

_**I want to tell you that I keep on praying,**_

_**Love will find you where you are,**_

**Not Just a Game**

Peter could tell there was something nagging at his sister's mind as he watched Susan slowly nibble at her breakfast.

"I'll meet you in the garden after breakfast," he whispered in her ear. She nodded. Lucy and Edmund raced towards the living room in hopes of hearing their favorite radio show. Peter gulped down his orange juice and hurried about his chores. _What should I tell her? _Peter's mind questioned. _Oh, Aslan, help me know how to help Susan. I feel so lost and helpless sometimes. They all look up to me and I can't be strong for them all the time. _

"_Peace, dear one. I will be with you. I will give you the words to say," _came the comforting response from Aslan. Peter took a deep breath and smiled. He waited in the garden for Susan. He looked at his watch. One minute, five minutes, ten minutes, fifteen minutes. At last he stood up and stretched. _I bet Susan just forgot. _Peter tried to tell himself. But deep down he guessed this was not the case. He was just about to leave when Susan came flying out the door.

"I'm sorry!" she panted apologetically. "Lucy needed help with something and I tried to get away but-" Peter laughed and motioned for her to sit down. They sat in silence for a moment enjoying the beautiful day. Peter finally broke the silence.

"Su?"

"Hmm," she answered.

"Are-are you still struggling with Narnia?" he asked.

"Nope," she answered with a reassuring smile. "I've got it all figured out." Her smile turned a little wistful and she laid her hand on her brother's shoulder. "Don't worry about me."

"Are you sure?" Peter asked.

"Sure as the sky is blue!" Susan laughed nervously. She couldn't bring herself to tell Peter just what her conclusion was. She knew he would be disappointed. But she couldn't take it anymore. She had to give up.

* * *

><p>Edmund stuffed his sandwich into his mouth. Susan frowned at him.<p>

"Here I leave for a couple months and you turn into a beastly ogre!" she teased. Peter and Edmund laughed. Lucy looked thoughtful for a moment. Finally her face lit up in a huge grin.

"It just like in Narnia!" Lucy exclaimed happily. "Having a picnic and all." Susan abruptly stood up, a strange look flashing across her face.

"Where are you going?" Peter asked. Susan raced towards the house without answering or turning back.

"What got into her?" Edmund wondered. Peter jumped up and started after Susan but Lucy grabbed his wrist.

"Let her go, Peter," his little sister instructed wisely. "She needs a moment to herself." Reluctantly, Peter sat back down.

* * *

><p>The next morning, Susan walked stiffly into her brothers' room.<p>

"Oh, you're awake!" Lucy greeted her with a cheerful smile. "We were just talking about Narnia." Susan's happy look was immediately replaced with fear. In an instant it was gone again. Peter wondered at the tiny peep he had seen of her heart. He knew she was still battling even though she told him she had it sorted. Susan masterfully covered it up with auspicious smirk.

"What lovely memories you have of our games we made up as little kids," Susan replied coolly. Her siblings' jaws dropped. Susan continued. "Narnia doesn't exist. When are you going to grow up and stop believing in fairytales?"

"Wh-what?" Peter stuttered, not believing what he had heard.

"Narnia doesn't exist," Susan repeated. It took Edmund a second to realize what she had said.

"Narnia is real. It's not just a game. Have you forgotten about Aslan, Susan?" he pleaded.

"Aslan?" she scoffed. Lucy still refused to believe that her sister was actually saying this. Her mind just had to be confused. Maybe she wasn't feeling well or…did she really mean it?

"Please Susan, we wouldn't lie about this," Lucy begged.

"No! I'm too old to believe in childish fairytales," Susan declared. The three of them stared at her with a mixture of sadness, hurt and disbelief on their faces. Edmund could tell Peter was struggling to control his temper. He could hear by the strain in his voice.

"Susan, you can't do this! You can't turn your back on them now," Peter implored. "They need you. You can't abandon Narnia!"

Lucy burst into tears. Edmund felt hurt and betrayed. His sister not only didn't believe that Narnia was real; she had denied the existence of Aslan. "I'm not abandoning anyone!" Susan snapped back. "There isn't anyone to abandon. It doesn't even exist! You're almost 18, when are you going to grow up, Peter Pevensie?" she harshly addressed her brother. Peter's face went white and his hands, trembling, instinctively reached for where his sword should have been. Peter always grabbed his sword hilt to keep his hands from showing his fear.

"B-but what about Leofwin?" Lucy sobbed, mentioning the one person she knew Susan cared deeply for.

"Don't you ever mention his name to me again," Susan threatened her little sister. Peter interfered and grabbed Susan by the shoulders.

"Susan, look at yourself," he said angrily. "You're threatening your own sister. What has happened to you?" Susan roughly shoved Peter aside and slammed the door behind her. She ran down the hall to her room, tears streaming down her face. She had never spoken so harshly to her siblings. She knew she had hurt their feelings, especially Peter's.

* * *

><p>At last Susan thought she could cry no longer. She had cried every tear and now suffered from a massive headache. She felt absolutely horrid. She knew she had been wrong to snap at her siblings but the truth- Susan rolled over. <em>When would they ever grow up!<em> Susan remembered their fight years ago when Lucy found, er thought she found a land in the wardrobe. Lucy had seemed so convinced.

"_It's alright! I'm okay, I'm back!" Lucy raced down the hall yelling._

"_Shh, he's coming!" Edmund hissed. Peter rounded the corner in time to find Edmund and Lucy just standing in the hall when they were supposed to be hiding._

"_No, I'm not sure you two have quite got the idea of this game," Peter was confused._

"_Does this mean I win?" asked Susan, coming up to join the group. Peter turned to face her._

"_I don't think Lucy wants to play anymore."_

"_I've been gone…for hours," Lucy stared at her siblings, puzzled. She led them to a large room that was empty except for a beautiful wardrobe. Lucy showed them the back of the wardrobe and told them how she had ventured in and found herself in a snowy forest. She claimed to have met a faun name Tumnus and that he invited her over for tea. Susan stepped into the wardrobe and inspected the back._

"_Lucy the only woods in here is the back of the wardrobe," Susan shook her head as she emerged from the coats in the wardrobe._

"_One game at a time, Lu," Peter pleaded. "We don't all have your imagination." Edmund, Susan and Peter turned to leave._

"_But I wasn't imagining it!" Lucy protested. The other three spun around. "I wouldn't lie about this!" Lucy looked hopefully into their faces._

"_That's enough, Lucy." Susan scolded._

"_Well, I believe you," Edmund encouraged._

"_You do?" Lucy stared at him._

"_Sure!" Edmund laughed. "Didn't I tell you about the football field in the bathroom cupboard?" Lucy's upturned face fell. Peter stepped forward angrily._

"_Would you stop it, Ed? You just have to make everything worse, don't you?" he blamed._

"_It was just a joke!" snapped Edmund indignantly._

"_When are you going to learn to grow up?" Peter moaned._

"_Shut up! You think you're Dad, but you're not." Edmund ran out of the room furiously._

"_Well, that was nicely handled." Susan scoffed, turning to leave._

"_But, it really was there," Lucy pressed._

"_Susan's right, Lucy. That's enough," Peter walked out of the room leaving Lucy by herself. _

Susan knew she should appologize to her siblings but she couldn't bring herself to leave the shelter of her room. A while later Lucy came in for bed but Susan didn't speak to her. Lucy felt like there was a wall in their room. A wall that divided her and Susan. A wall that forced her to leave her sister alone when she would have chosen to rush over to Susan and tell her she forgave her. But Lucy dared to defy the wall and whisper goodnight to her sister. Even though there was no response from the other bed, Lucy was happy, knowing Susan had heard her. Maybe things would be better in the morning.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note: <strong>Whew! Another chapter done! Was Susan's rash decision too rapid or were you able to follow? Let me know so I can improve. Thank you everyone for your wonderful reviews that keep encouraging me to try and make every chapter better! By the way, everything will work out. I promise. If you've read my story Just Believe, about Susan returning to her beliefs you know how the final story ends. But that's not where this story will end. :D


	7. Crazy, Blind, Deaf and a Daydreamer

_**I know 'cause I've already been there,**_

_**So please here these simple truths.**_

_**Be strong in the Lord,**_

_**And never give up hope,**_

_**You've come to do great things.**_

_**I already know.**_

**Crazy, Blind, Deaf and a Day-dreamer**

Breakfast the next morning was eaten in dead silence. Peter and Susan glared at each other between bites. Edmund wisely kept quiet and minded his own business. Lucy was the only one who dared to speak. She nervously chattered about everything she could think of. As soon as her plate was empty, Susan, complaining of a head ache, retired to her room. Lucy's friend invited her over to play, while Edmund sought his older brother out. At last he found Peter, alone in the tree where they used to play as little boys. Edmund agilely climbed up and perched next to Peter.

"Hey, Pete," Edmund used his nickname for his brother.

"Ed," Peter merely said.

"You okay?" Edmund asked looking into Peter's troubled face.

"I don't know," Peter shook his head. "It seems like everything I do here is wrong."

"I know what you mean," Ed sighed. "You can't solve a problem by hacking off its head with your sword." Peter grinned longingly. He loved his sword, Rhindon which he had to leave behind in Narnia.

"Don't remind me," he muttered. Edmund and Peter became solemn again.

"This isn't really my battle, yet I feel like it's my duty to keep Susan on the path," Peter admitted.

"You could try to talk some sense into Susan," Edmund suggested at last, returning to their original topic.

"I can't!" Peter protested. "I tried, but Susan won't believe me.I know I'm not strong enough to be everything that I'm supposed to be. I give up, Edmund. I'm not strong enough." Edmund studied his brother. He knew it took a lot of strength for Peter to admit that.

"Maybe, that's what it's like for Susan," Edmund replied softly. Peter hadn't thought of it that way before. He slowly nodded. _You can still do great things here too! _Edmund's mind silently tried to tell Peter. "Why don't you talk to her?" Edmund advised as he jumped down from the tree limb.

* * *

><p>Lucy lay on her bed, crying.<p>

"Lucy, Lucy what's wrong?" Peter quickly crossed the room and pulled her into his arms.

"There," she sobbed. Peter looked at the sentence in the book she had been reading. It read, _"No, gentle," Amy corrected. "Not magnificent or valiant. Just gentle." _

"Don't you see?" Lucy wailed. "We're all there. Magnificent, Valiant, Just and Gentle."

"Oh, Lucy." Peter tried to comfort her. "Keep holding on. We're going to make it through," he promised. "Just stay strong and you know I'm here for you. There's nothing you could say, nothing you could do, there's no other way when it comes to the truth. You've got to hold on." Peter paused, searching for the right words. "I've already been there. I understand what it's like knowing you can't ever go back." Peter reassured. "Never give up hope!" Lucy straightened up with a tearful smile on her cheeks.

"Really?" she sniffled.

"Don't get her hopes up," Susan scolded from the doorway. "After all, it's only a game." Peter stiffened at her remark and slowly turned around.

"If it's a game, how do you explain the scar on Edmund's side? Open up your eyes, Susan! It's obviously real!" he answered in disgust.

"Yes," she mocked. "It's obviously NOT real! I can't believe this! My own brother is a lunatic!" She shook her head vigorously and continued on her way.

"It's okay, Peter," Lucy tried to comfort him but Peter was hurt deeply by Susan's misbelief.

"I wish she would go back to how she was," he mumbled.

* * *

><p>"He's eighteen and a lunatic!" Susan complained to Edmund. <em>Maybe you're the lunatic! <em>Edmund thought but didn't say anything. "Are you even listening?" Susan demanded. "Great!" She tossed her head. "One brother is crazy, the other is deaf, and my sister spends her time daydreaming about fairytales!"

"Maybe if you'd open up your eyes, you'd see," Edmund mumbled.

"Pardon?" Susan questioned.

"I said, if you would open up your eyes, you'd see," he repeated. Susan froze.

"Are you accusing me of being blind?" she asked indignantly.

"Nope, just giving you some advice." Edmund calmly stood and walked out of the room. Susan crossed her arms and glared at her brother's head. _Well, what makes him think he can boss me around like that? Ha! He thinks I'm blind, well I'll show-_

"Susan!" her mother called. Susan scurried down to the kitchen where her mother was preparing dinner.

"Hello, Mum," Susan answered sweetly. Mrs. Pevensie gazed with a sad feeling at her oldest daughter. She loved Susan very much but Susan was so independent and stubborn sometimes.

"Susan, Peter seems upset about something. What happened?"

"Nothing," Susan lied.

"I want the truth, Susan Pevensie," Mrs. Pevensie said. Susan sighed reluctantly.

"We had a fight," she admitted.

"What was it about?" asked Mrs. Pevensie but Susan refused to say anything more about it. At last her mother gave up.

"Susan, I want you to apologize to your brother," Mrs. Pevensie instructed.

"It's his fault," Susan mumbled.

"Apologize." Susan rolled her eyes and marched off.

* * *

><p>Susan crept down the dark hall to the window seat where she knew Peter would be sitting. He always sat there when he was upset or had a problem. Sure enough, she could see his silhouette against the bright window.<p>

"Peter?" He didn't answer or even move. "Peter, I-" Susan turned suddenly and was about to flee when her brother caught her hand, pulling her back.

"I'm sorry, Susan," he murmured. It was the first time they had talked to each other civilly since their fights.

"I'm sorry too, Peter. I shouldn't have yelled at you," Susan apologized.

"I forgive you," Peter answered with a small smile. He made room for her on the seat and she curled up next to him, her head resting on his shoulder. They sat in silence, gazing at the full moon.

"I believe you know," she admitted. "But I think I've come too far to go back now."

"Impossible," Peter teased. "You'll always be Susan and you'll always be my sister."

"I'm serious though," Susan laughed bitterly. "I can't go back…not to how it was. I've tried to make this home-"

"But England is nothing compared to Narnia!" Peter interrupted.

"I know," Susan sighed. "I'm not where I belong."

"This isn't home. Narnia will always be home to us," her brother reminded.

"And yet, I'm still searching," Susan answered. "I have unanswered questions."

"It's not over yet. And we're not alone." Peter replied wisely. They were silent again.

"Peter," Susan said after a bit. "I need to see Him." Peter turned to look at her upturned face. "I need to see Aslan. I don't think I can hold on anymore."

"We have to walk by faith and not by sight," he gently reminded.

"I just need some sort of proof! You, Edmund, Lucy, you always seem so sure of Aslan even when you can't see him. I'm not like that," Susan protested.

"But you can be," quietly insisted Peter.

"Peter, I've come too far, I can't go back…" she sighed, leaving her sentence unfinished.


	8. Archery

_**God's got his hand on you so,**_

_**Don't live life in fear,**_

_**Forgive and forget,**_

_**But don't forget why you're here,**_

_**Take your time and pray,**_

_**These are the words I would say,**_

_**From one simple life to another,**_

_**I will say, come to find peace in the Father,**_

**Archery**

Peter burst through the door wildly waving a piece of paper.

"By the-" but Edmund caught himself. _Lion's mane! _He finished the sentence in his head. "What is it Pete?"

"Oh Susan, you're going to love this!" Peter teased.

"Love what?" she groaned. She tried to snatch the paper from Peter's hands but to no avail. Peter held it over her head just out of her reach. He began to read.

"Announcing the Lost Skills Archery Competition, to be held on September 2nd on the Finchly Green at 4:30 p.m. Bring your bows, crossbows and arrows."

"Oh Susan!" Lucy exclaimed. "You must enter! It would be so much fun!" Lucy was bubbling with excitement.

"But, there's only one problem," Edmund reminded.

"What?" Peter and Lucy asked in unison.

"My bow was magical. I don't know if I could even hit the target with a bow here," Susan shook her head. "Plus, I don't even have a bow anymore."

"Oh." The excitement left Lucy's face.

"There must be some way!" Peter began pacing. Then he abruptly turned to Edmund.

"Ed, do you know where we could borrow a bow and arrows from?"

Edmund shrugged. He had no better idea than Peter.

"What about we make one?" Susan suggested.

"Yes!" Peter shouted. "Wait…we don't know how to make one."

"Right," Susan agreed.

"I know!" Lucy's face lit up. "Come on!" She raced out of the room.

"Not again," Susan groaned.

"Lu, wait up!" Edmund called after her. Peter, Susan and Edmund had no choice but to follow their younger sister. Susan sighed. She was going to need all the practice she could get before the tournament.

* * *

><p>"Miss Susan Pevensie!" The announcer called.<p>

"Wish me luck," Susan whispered to Lucy nervously. Susan smiled at the crowd and waved, bow in hand. She stepped up to the marked line. Her opponent also stepped forward. He was dark, with a large nose.

"Hey, how's it going?" he said to Susan. Susan rolled her eyes and threw her hair back over her shoulder. _Let's get this over with. _Susan thought.

"Good day, sir," she politely responded. "Shall you be going first or shall I?" He gave her a "charming" grin.

"Which would you prefer?"

"I would prefer that you go first and get this over with," Susan almost growled impatiently. The man (with another smile for Susan) took his aim and fired at the target.

"Nice shot," Susan commented dryly.

"I was trained by some of the finest," the man grinned. Susan began preparing her arrow.

"Well, if that's all you've got-" Here she let her arrow fly through the sky. "I have nothing to fear." She smiled smugly at the astonished opponent. Her arrow stood stock still in the exact center of the bull's eye.

"Wow!" the announcer exclaimed. "It looks like Miss Pevensie will be moving on to the next round." The crowd clapped. Susan nodded in acknowledgement.

"Well met, miss," Susan's opponent tipped his hat and disappeared into the crowd.

* * *

><p>Round Two, Round Three, Susan kept going. It was obvious no one could beat his sister, so Edmund, bored, wandered off.<p>

"Nice one, Su!" Peter cheered.

"I didn't know our daughter was so good with a bow," Mr. Pevensie commented to his wife.

"Yes, I didn't know either," she mused. Lucy piped up.

"We have an archery day once a month at school. Susan's the best!" She smiled proudly. "Where's Edmund?" she asked her mother.

"He was getting restless so I told him he could wander around for a bit," Mrs. Pevensie answered.

"Last round!" Peter excitedly informed his family. They stopped conversing to watch Susan's final shot.

"You can do it, Susan!" Peter and Lucy cheered. Their sister smiled at them appreciatively. _Twang! _The crowd cheered as once again Susan's arrow hit the bull's eye. Her family jumped to their feet, clapping enthusiastically.

"Well done, Susan!" Mr. Pevensie congratulated. But their cheering faded when the announcer was heard over the crowd.

"It looks like Mr. Fredricks (referring to Susan's opponent) is going to have stiff competition. Can he do it? He's been the champion for the last five years, could this be the year he loses?" Susan laughed quietly. It would serve him right to loose.

"Laugh while you can, missy," sneered the man. "Cause nobody's ever beat me."

"We'll just see about that," Susan answered. With a crude laugh, the man took his aim…only to have his arrow fly past the target!

"Look who's laughing now," Susan crossed her arms.

"It was the wind." He stomped his foot. "Darn wind! You keep laughing, missy." He spun towards Susan but she was already gone. Susan stood at the announcer's platform, excepting her prize. The man handed her a large silver trophy. Susan wasn't sure what to say.

"T-thank you," she stammered.

"Susan!" She spun around as her family ran towards her. Peter, Lucy and her parents showered her with hugs and kisses.

"I told you could do great things here too!" Peter reminded Susan.

"Well if you're so right," she grinned and handed Peter the heavy archery trophy. "You can carry the loot. Now, where's Edmund?"

"Edmund?" Peter glanced around. "I better find him." He handed the trophy back to Susan and hurried off searching for his brother.

* * *

><p>Edmund glared at the foolhardy boys who had cornered him in the alley.<p>

"Hey Eddie, want some?" The lead boy pushed a box under Edmund's nose. Repulsive smell. Sick feeling. Turkish Delight. The room began to spin in front of his eyes. He felt his stomach churn uneasily at the thought of that sinful candy. _Oh Aslan, help. _Edmund thought frantically. He backed away from the boy.

"I thought you liked Turkish Delight," taunted the boy, waving the box around.

"Get away from me," Edmund commanded through clenched teeth. The boy stepped closer, cheered on by his chums.

"Leave him alone!" Edmund sighed with relief as he heard Peter's strong voice. The boys made no move to leave. "I said, leave my brother alone!" Peter repeated with more determination.

* * *

><p>"Where are Peter and Edmund?" Lucy asked Susan.<p>

"Oh I'm sure they'll be along soon. Mum told them to meet us back at the house," Susan answered. Lucy skipped along ahead of the rest of her family. Though she seemed cheerful, many things were running through her mind. Mainly about Susan. Her lovely sister who had turned away from everything good_. How could she live with it? Didn't she feel the shame? Didn't she know she had betrayed Aslan, Narnia and her family?_ The questions tumbled around in Lucy's head. _How could she be at peace with it? _Her heart ached for her sister but she didn't know what she could do. Peter and Edmund had both tried to talk with Susan. She never listened. She just brushed the conversations aside or they turned into full out arguments. With a growl in her stomach, Lucy realized she was hungry and hurried inside for a snack.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note: <strong>Hey I'm back! It took me a while to get this chapter and the next finished but they're finally done! I hope you've enjoyed so far! Let me know what you think of this part.


	9. By Faith

_**Be strong in the Lord,**_

_**And never give up hope,**_

_**You're gonna to do great things.**_

_**I already know,**_

_**God's got his hand on you so,**_

_**Don't live life in fear,**_

_**Forgive and forget,**_

_**But don't forget why you're here,**_

**By Faith**

Susan stared in horror at Peter's bloodied face. She was thankful Lucy was inside having a snack.

"What happened?" she gasped.

"Just helping Edmund," Peter grinned. Susan turned to Edmund, her face showing her disapproval.

"It was Turkish delight," he mumbled meekly, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Is this what happens? You're going to end up in fights because of a silly game?" Susan turned around angrily. Peter stood still, his anger boiling inside him. His temper was flaring and his cheeks were burning with shame at his sister's disbelief.

"Coward!" he yelled after her. Susan spun around on her heels.

"Me! I am not a coward, unlike you, Peter Pevensie!" she scorned. Edmund winced. He knew that she had struck home, right to the middle of Peter's core.

"How dare you call me a coward!" Peter roared back, raising his fist and pointing at her. "You, you are a traitor!"

"Hey! I am not the one who believes in a made-up world and a talking lion." Susan scoffed.

"Stop it!" Edmund tried to break up their fight but they ignored him. Peter's face had completely been transformed into the terrible warrior he had once been in Narnia. Susan cowered before him, her resolution failing. She knew she was wrong, she knew she was heading down the wrong path, but she didn't care anymore. Her hurt had driven her to extreme measures. Edmund stood frozen in his steps. He was unable to move. Unable to jump in front of his sister as Peter took a step towards her.

"Peter," Susan whimpered, throwing her hands in front of her face. He lowered his fist. He couldn't hurt his sister. Instead he threw his arms around her.

"I'm sorry, Susan," he sobbed. "I'm upset about what happened to Edmund. I wish you could just believe." Susan stiffened and pulled back. Peter was so confused. He didn't know what to say to his sister anymore. At last Susan spoke again.

"Please," she begged in a shaking voice. "I see I cannot change your mind. I only ask…" She took a deep breath. "I only ask that you not speak to me about Narnia again."

"Susan!" Peter's voice was raw with shock. Edmund's face was pale and frightened. Susan knew she was hurting them but how much more it hurt her to accept the truth.

"What will Lucy say?" Peter gasped.

"It doesn't matter. I'm through with Narnia."

"But-" Susan cut him off.

"I'm through." And before she could change her mind, she handed Peter a tissue for his nose.

"Please don't let Lucy see you looking like that." She turned and walked away.

"Is it that ugly?" Peter asked. Edmund nodded.

"That fellow got you pretty bad. Your face is all bloody." He answered. Peter gave Edmund a mischievous smirk.

"You're welcome." The older boy teased.

"I had it sorted!" Edmund joked back.

* * *

><p>Susan turned away from the window, disgusted. Her brothers were acting totally dismissive about their fight. How could they laugh and joke away while her world was falling apart?<p>

"Susan?" Lucy asked timidly coming up behind her.

"Hmm?" Susan answered, blinking her eyes and pulling herself out of her thoughts.

"Why don't you believe in Narnia?" Lucy ventured to ask. Susan sighed, knowing it didn't matter what she said as long as Lucy's curiosity was satisfied.

"You wouldn't understand," she said gently. "It's for a grown up reason." Lucy frowned.

"I'm just as able to handle it as you are," she replied. "You all treat me like I'm still an eight year old! I'm fourteen, when will you accept that I've grown up?"

Susan sighed.

"Please Lucy, just don't speak to me about Narnia again," she requested. Lucy stumbled backwards.

"Susan!"

"Please." was Susan cold answer.

"Oh Aslan!" Lucy whispered.

* * *

><p>Susan didn't realize fully what a mess she had gotten herself into. Her siblings were mad at her, but she couldn't stand to acknowledge the truth. She knew Narnia was real, but she didn't want to believe it. If only she had known what would happen in the future.<p>

_Peter insisted on digging up some old "magic" rings out of the ground somewhere. _

"_Please Susan, come with us. We might be able to get Eustace and Jill back to Narnia," he pleaded._

"_What funny memories you have of our childhood games. Narnia doesn't exist. When are you going grow up and stop believing in fairytales?" Susan replied coldly. _

"_Narnia is real. It's not just a game. Have you forgotten about Aslan, Susan?" Edmund implored. _

"_Aslan?" his sister scoffed._

"_Please Susan, we wouldn't lie about this," Lucy begged._

"_No! I'm too old to be chasing fairytales," she declared, storming out of the room. The three of them stared after her with a mixture of sadness, hurt and disbelief on their faces._

How could she know that would be the last time they fought or the last time they even spoke of that matter?

"_Miss Susan Pevensie?" a uniformed man standing on her doormat asked._

"_Yes?" Susan answered hesitantly._

"_I regret to inform you that your family had been involved in a serious railway accident."_

"_No!" she gasped. "Are they all right?"_

"_I'm sorry, miss, but they were killed." The man said sadly._

"_All of them? Peter, Jill, Professor Kirke, Miss Plummer?" She searched his face hopefully. "Even Edmund, Lucy, Eustace and Mum and Dad?"_

_He nodded his head. The young lady turned away, shocked. No, she wouldn't believe it. It just couldn't be true. Yet, in her heart she knew the truth. And she blamed herself for their deaths. She began to cry. Softly at first, but it grew stronger until she felt her heart would burst. They were gone. Her brothers, Peter and Edmund, her younger sister Lucy, Mum and Dad, cousin Eustace, his schoolmate Jill, Professor Kirke and Miss Polly Plummer, old family friends._

But her whole life she would remember something Peter once told her.

"_We have to walk by faith and not by sight," Peter gently but wisely reminded._

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note: <strong>Almost done! Yay! Last chapter coming soon! As I said in the beginning of the story, this is a prequel to my story 'Just Believe' so if you want to know the final ending of Susan's story, I suggest you read it. That story picks up after the Last Battle. I hope you'll take the time to read it!


	10. Afterward

_**Take your time and pray,**_

_**Thank God for each day,**_

_**His love will find a way,**_

_**These are the words I would say.**_

**Afterward**

"_I just need some sort of proof! You, Edmund, Lucy, you always seem so sure of Aslan even when you can't see him. I'm not like that," Susan protested._

"_But you can be," quietly insisted Peter._

"_Peter, I've come too far, I can't go back…" she sighed, leaving her sentence unfinished._

Susan never wanted to go back. She didn't think she could. Her family's death affected her in more ways than she realized. She didn't think she could believe in the impossible again. She didn't stop to think, she never stopped to pray; she lived life so fast it happened in a blink. She never had time to look back. But one day far in her future, she would believe again. Aslan reassured her siblings. Susan would come home in due time. But, she had to admit one tiny thing and that was the hardest thing Susan could admit.

"I finally believe in the impossible."

**The End**

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><p><strong>Author's note: <strong>Thanks for sticking with the story! I hope you really enjoyed it. Like I said in the previous chapter, if this perked your intrest in knowing Susan's story, read my story 'Just Believe'. I highly reccomend it. It was one of the first stories I wrote but it's pretty good for an eleven year old! :D Thanks everyone for your awesome reviews! They kept my spirits high and made me laugh and smile. This story had been a long trip but I'm glad I traveled it with you!


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